Day 7 - May 30, 2014

Yay, Day 7. Learned about the difference between compliance and acceptance.  Compliance means you comply with something, but you don't necessarily agree with it.  Acceptance means you comply and agree with it, accept the truth, humbly admit to the truth. I would like to release my panic and shame. There are occasions in my day when all of a sudden, a wave of panic hits, like I've done something terribly wrong and everything is wrong and I'm bad.  The shame is that I'm also bad and not worthy of enjoyment.  That's really a lot of it, I am not worthy to rest, to enjoy life, to have fun in life.  There is no room for that. It's work, work, work.  Boy, is that a message from parents growing up.  There was no fun in high school, it was go to school and come home and clean and take care of kids.  So, I didn't learn about enjoyment and fun and connection.  Here's some fun:

Dancing, bowling, beach, parties.  Thankfully hubby makes me laugh all the time which is very fun!!  Balance is so difficult for me.  The all or nothing is easier for me.  All work.  All play. Still trying to find balance and still trying to find a routine.  This is a stressful time, because it is a time of huge change.  Kids graduating from high school, going to college. Me looking for a new job.  Two huge changes!!  And back in the faa program. Gotta make it through day 7.  It's a tough one. Hearing Steve crunch on those crackers sounds so good!  He is not an addict.  He can do that.  Plus he works out a lot. I am tired. I feel like I can't make it.  I could use a sugar hit.  It would feel so good and then I wouldn't be able to stop which would be awful.  Leading me to sleep real bad and not get my housework done. Have to stay on top of this.  How can I have fun. Something to look forward to.